mental masochism

notes to self.  dont talk to yr lover when yr pmsing and have had a stressful week full of driving and damn global violence.  she is wonderful to me, and i am so fuckin fortunate.  yet i have this mental masochism layer that sucks arse.  i hope to employed with insurance program that i can seek out mental therapy.  or ill just visit my tattoo artist; he is my buddy and listens and gives huggs.  wanting to huggle chicago right now.  so this mental masochism is what keeps me going at the same time cuts me.  ahhhh thank goodness for friends!!!  am grateful for old and my new friends. CHEERS!!!

a poem for chicago

Literal
She fucks me one hundred eleven times
I desire her more and more and perhaps I even call her mine;
No! Scratch that. I do call her mine for
She is kind to the perv in me
Wanting her is better than grits and ice cream
Speaking of cream; we make each other scream.
Bottom line is that I love her for me.
Continuing the literal thought
I want to feel her protein
And kiss my sweet MILF.
I scream her given name during and after
Masturbating; damn I love and want her.

Her eyes are emerald

My brain is smitten.  My heart is minty fresh. I hope to make her happy for awhile; for a long while.

monday woes

am irritated about corporate america.  specifically cell phone plans.  aside from that am rather angry that it is fuckin hot and the fucked up neighbor visits my folks and smokes their smokes without regard for their monies and health.  sigh i think mom is not facing reality that she has emphysema also.  FOR FUCK SAKE ADMIT TO YOUR MISTAKES ALL READY…..not that big of deal admitting them.  sigh.  

i am missing my bella today.  her morning pissed her off.  i would have liked to alleviate it a bit.  would really like it if she kissed me right now.  

sigh. fuck. am not in the mood  to deal with school.  sigh. fuck.

 

 

I have a thing for

you.  the type of thing that encompasses lots of things.  a few of those things include but not limited to are: desiring you, laughing, rubbing your arse (teach me), watching you sleep, feeling your nipples harden against my teeth, smiles, inserting commas, empathy for my fallibility, and sniffing you.  My picture if and when I paint will include a few colors: emerald, silver, sky blue, wine red, and touch of orange.  Dont have any bloody idea what those colors would create; I just figure it would be as bright and spectacular as you are and how i feel about you.

i pissed off my lover

and after four hours i am still upset with myself.  sigh.  i suck bug juice splattered on a car.  tho i am better off than the bug.  it is so bloody hot temperature wise.  yay for AC.  i did get overly excited and way too impulsive and did not mean to piss her off.  my apologies. 

so friday evening

kinda important day…it is my stepdad’s bday!!!  as soon as it is may though i consider it his bday month.  anyhow this blog is really mostly dedicated to chicago.  though speaking about stepdad he is a weird mofo…he asks me if i am busy and if i wasnt could i return some stamps…i said in this heat???  i think he got the picture…but for fuck sake what a dumb fuckin request on a friday evening.  anyway.  returning to chicago…i am so fucked.  it feels so damn good to know she exists.  yeah i am so fuckin smitten.  what more can i really say right now except that i am excited to know her and to learn more about her.  sigh.

For Bella

As vulnerable as I feel, I am safe with you.  Flying across the country is easy, wanting you is easy, interacting with you is once again easy.  I like we are in a groove…despite my funk/flunk.  Trying to grasp words to tell you how i feel almost seems difficult.  Writing sweet things to you is a given, sniffing your saltiness from your gym workout turns me on.  I am fucked and enjoy it immensely and intensely.  You are sleeping i hope, resting your aching bruises, your punchiness.  would love to massage your ass, suck your fingers.  Caring about you is fucking kind.  Thank you for giving me the pleasure to please you and wanting me to do so.

Wow what a fuckin week

although we chat often … k more than often…i havent had time to blog my feelings or my thoughts because ive been driving madly around california supporting friends and helping teenagers.  in between that time though I think, text, perv, and try to wooo her.  i have postcards from Solvang that i have to send out cause i am tired.  so tired of driving.  but i after this weekend the Jeep will rest.  so yeah back to chicago.  i enjoy her so much.  so fuckin beautiful, so fuckin intelligent, so fucking hot, so fucking creative, so fuckin honest.  wow.  i like like her. giggle.

Lag

so about an hour ago, chicago says good night….well i return about 20 minutes later after scare playing with my nephew.  i see that chicago is still online and so i naturally/automatically/leg humping like … message her and the window opens it says but she does not respond.  so i am not sure if she was there ever, or if she her computer is having issues, sigh i dont presume much else.  i figured ill blog it and see that i am weird for even blogging about lag.  cause it could have beeb Lag time.

i am irritated either way cause i dont know why… especially if she was online….but such is life with technology.