I admire you. I love you. I adore you. Now I must learn to recategorize those adjectives into a simple box that keeps my thoughts and woos. Switching into a comfortable mind set that we are “better off as friends.” So no sex huh? am so glad for masturbation!
friends say they will keep an eye out for me…i say i need to start dating a job/career. attempting to make myself more appealing with monies and a few years of counseling to help my dogma.
it is too bloody hot and am considering air conditioning. until then I am enjoying this time thinking and feeling how sweet it is to visit you soon. wrapped around your finger, yes. fucked, yes. enjoying you, fuck yes. shrug babe. sometimes I think i want to tell you secrets on this blog but realize others might read them lol. sometimes i think i dont know what i am thinkin when it is over 80 degrees and i am sweating at 1030pm due to unnecessary heat. k time for the fuckin AC. burp. erase the burp. giggles. takin a shower sounds refreshing at this hour hmm. nah. if all goes well, ill be hanging on the east coast sleeping next to you in less than a week….WOW. big ole sheepish grin.
2008 so far has felt booger free until yesterday. eating crow is what some i have heard call it; i say eat boogers cause well it is more fuckin funny to me. however sometimes it is random the booger eating concept. my bella said mother nature can eat boogers and i tend to agree, in fact i think mother nature does eat boogers often. all finals can eat boogers.
So about an hour ago a dear loved one calls me as mom and i driving home and he tells me he almost died…he is hyper ventilating and his heart rate is heart ache high. he is trying to remain calm. he thinks of random thoughts; i tell him i will be home soon and that mom thinks my car smells like Kotex. mom’s jokes are funny yet gross sometimes.
i took a lorazepam and bayer, so i am feeling less hotheaded. i give a fuck when perhaps i should seek help. a little mental help goes a long way i say.
here is a little poem i wrote about today
End of May
I smell like cat drool
Death lurking mule
Grass compost trigger day
Go with the alluvial flow
Fuck mow, joe, and go
Sweetness purrs no hospital stay
Eat ice cream I say.
my perceptions are aching, and the language i write is fucked. I think i want to sniff chicago. i burned the candle she got me because i want reminders and cause she makes me smile. rather it is so easy to smile when she is near me. i guess if i could draw a picture of what the last 5 weeks have meant to me; i would include the following: sunflowers, melons, a funky cloud, other random objects.
notes to self. dont talk to yr lover when yr pmsing and have had a stressful week full of driving and damn global violence. she is wonderful to me, and i am so fuckin fortunate. yet i have this mental masochism layer that sucks arse. i hope to employed with insurance program that i can seek out mental therapy. or ill just visit my tattoo artist; he is my buddy and listens and gives huggs. wanting to huggle chicago right now. so this mental masochism is what keeps me going at the same time cuts me. ahhhh thank goodness for friends!!! am grateful for old and my new friends. CHEERS!!!
Literal
She fucks me one hundred eleven times
I desire her more and more and perhaps I even call her mine;
No! Scratch that. I do call her mine for
She is kind to the perv in me
Wanting her is better than grits and ice cream
Speaking of cream; we make each other scream.
Bottom line is that I love her for me.
Continuing the literal thought
I want to feel her protein
And kiss my sweet chemist.
I scream her given name during and after
Masturbating; damn I love and want her.
My brain is smitten. My heart is minty fresh. I hope to make her happy for awhile; for a long while.
am irritated about corporate america. specifically cell phone plans. aside from that am rather angry that it is fuckin hot and the fucked up neighbor visits my folks and smokes their smokes without regard for their monies and health. sigh i think mom is not facing reality that she has emphysema also. FOR FUCK SAKE ADMIT TO YOUR MISTAKES ALL READY…..not that big of deal admitting them. sigh.
i am missing my bella today. her morning pissed her off. i would have liked to alleviate it a bit. would really like it if she kissed me right now.
sigh. fuck. am not in the mood to deal with school. sigh. fuck.
you. the type of thing that encompasses lots of things. a few of those things include but not limited to are: desiring you, laughing, rubbing your arse (teach me), watching you sleep, feeling your nipples harden against my teeth, smiles, inserting commas, empathy for my fallibility, and sniffing you. My picture if and when I paint will include a few colors: emerald, silver, sky blue, wine red, and touch of orange. Dont have any bloody idea what those colors would create; I just figure it would be as bright and spectacular as you are and how i feel about you.
